Falling in Manholes (Love)

My last post was all about the humor and failure we find in the dating world. For all I know, I have my own annoying quirks, and some guy has listed me on his TOP 10 WORST DATES blog.

Dating isn't easy. Each time you put yourself out there, you become vulnerable in the chance that you might meet someone worth being vulnerable for. It's exhausting, really. And, most of the time, I don't much enjoy the process.

But I have enjoyed a few lessons this summer and this post is about what I have learned: about myself, about dating, about whoever "the special someone" will be, who I  will fall in love with.

Special someones are not all about attraction. I have dated the hot guy. And my mom was right, "Never date anyone hotter than you."

And they are not about compatibility. I have dated this guy too. He, inevitably, becomes your best friend - until he meets his special someone, who won't let you hang out with him anymore.

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2012/05/04/nyregion/04manhole.html

Special someones are the people you meet at the corner of Attraction and Compatibility, when you both mistakenly fall into a manhole and are forced to hang out until help arrives. Eventually, you realize it won't, and you begin talking about how you are going to pull yourselves up and together you come up with a plan. This is when you think, hey, aren't we compatible! And attraction, when you execute the plan, forcing yourselves into close proximity. Where he is forced to lift your entire body weight above his head while stating that you are "light as a feather," and you are forced to smell his body odor as you climb on him to pull yourself up and then run for help...or a ladder.

After the rescue is at an end, you give him your phone number and he immediately calls you to make sure it isn't fake. When your phone vibrates, you pull it out of your purse and silence it. Then, you snap a picture of him to go with his phone number, so you can ask your friends later if he is as cute as you think, and repeatedly tell them, "He was much better looking before we fell into the manhole, I swear!"

Then, after a few outings, dinners, and other dates, each where you have dodged a kiss, you realize you have to spill your real guts. Vulnerability begins. He is worth it, you think. "I'm allergic to Sodium Lauryl Sulfate!" you blurt. "So, if you want to make out, I need to know what kind of toothpaste you use." If you live in Portland, or are dating a guy who works at Whole Foods, this usually goes well. "I use all SLS-free products." This is when you find yourself back at the corner of Compatibility and Attraction. If he's a good kisser, you will hang out here forever, eventually getting a place together with all the other attractive and compatible people.

If not, he becomes one of those "best friend until..." guys and after an acceptable time, you are free to date again. After all, you know what they say, "There are plenty of manholes in the sea - fish in the manholes - sea in the fish?..." I don't care what they say. Dating isn't easy.